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Don’t Be Such a Baby

May 12, 2010

Matt –

So I’m not usually one to complain, but whenever Ashley pinches me, it hurts. To be cute and persuade her to stop, I will go either one of two routes:

1)      Say, “OUCH ASHLAY. ASHLAY THAT HUWTS”. Much like this young man:

Charlie doesn’t give a flip if he hurt you. Stop complaining.

2)      I will scream like a little girl.

Option number two does not have the varitable “cute” effect that you might think, but it does get her to stop pinching. After we wipe the laugh-induced face of hers, I briefly scold her about how much that actually hurts. She says, “Well you shouldn’t have (insert whatever stupid or slightly evil thing I did to deserve such punishment here)”. I say, “Ugh. Ok”, and life goes on.

I try to keep my complaining to a minimum. I really do. It mainly occurs when either I have to watch Twilight or Sex in the City movies or when I am frustrated with something completely out of my control.

Count Chocula is a better vampire.

Ear infections, consequently, are out of my control. OUCH ASHLAY.

In hindsight (which we are still working to perfect), this is how it went down:

Two weeks ago, I suffered from something called “swimmer’s ear”. A reputable source tells me this is when you hang out in the recreation facility, walk through the pool area and the germs from a swimmer fly into your ear and make it feel stuffy. I did the responsible thing and ignored it. It ended up disappearing (or I forgot about it) in a couple of days.

About four days ago, more swimmer germs got into my ear. This was the same discomfort I had two weeks prior, so I went with the tried and true method of completely ignoring it. It worked, until three days ago. These swimmer germs are persistent. Little Michael Phelps I tell you.

Being the medical expert I am, I thought to myself, “Self, what makes germs go away?” The answer I came up with was anti-bacterial ointment. Neosporin on a Q-tip, Q-tip in ear. Normally I would know this wasn’t a good idea, but I swear finals time sucks all intelligence from my already resource-depleted brain.

This act did not make anything better. It made my ear slimy. That was about it. So two nights ago the little swimmer germs were like “Let’s have a large, annoying party in this ear we have found”. Their parties hurt. They hurt a lot.

I thought I could bear it, but at about 2:45am yesterday morning I decided that it might be a good idea to not ignore it anymore. I went to the local urgent care clinic and got pills. Modern medicine is OFF THE CHAIN.

So I’ve been on a rotation of anti-swimmergermials and ibuprofen. This whole experience brings me back to when I was about four or five and suffered some ailment or another back to back for about a year. I want my Bugs Bunny slippers. I want my ear to stop hurting. I want my mommy.

I want them. Now.

But I won’t complain.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Anne Wilson Johnson permalink
    May 12, 2010 7:38 am

    Dearest Matt: From experience … this is where you learn (2) things — being ill and wanting the comforts of Mom and home NEVER leave you, and you will now be able to say to someone else in the throws of some ungodly ailment “Do as I SAY, not as I DO or HAVE DONE.” Much love, Anne

  2. May 12, 2010 8:16 am

    I think this is the first time I realized those kids are British. How ridiculous. British kids are weird. (I can totally say that) But also, that baby is not that cute. And that kid is. But that kid stuck his finger in his brother’s mouth. How’s that smart?
    I used to have ear infections all the time. Then a very smart doctor put tubes in my ear and then they were no mas. It helped. Swimmers ear sucks though. Hope you feel better!
    I’ll be joining you in summertime in about 2 hours! Yay!

  3. May 12, 2010 7:18 pm

    Personally, I vote ice cream and pouting.
    It might not be the dignified route but sometimes comfort is just what’s right!

  4. Flo permalink
    May 12, 2010 8:42 pm

    It takes a big man to admit he screams like a girl – even if only for effect. And I love Charlie’s older brother.

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