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What Happens in Vegas…

August 2, 2010

Ash –

I know. I know. I’m late on getting the post up. Honestly I spent almost the entire morning sleeping. And happily so. Not only did we get in late, but Monet (the birthday girl and our reason for going to Vegas this weekend) is a party machine. She was determined to see as much of Vegas as she could in the approximate 48 hours we had from the time we left to the Vegas airport to the time we needed to return. Madness I tell you!

Waiting at the airport. And wearing his $5 shirt!

Let’s start at the beginning. A very good place to start (go ahead and name that movie). Matt and I got up Friday morning to pack the last minute stuff, blog, and hop into the car with my parents (who were kind enough to drive us to the airport). Fast forward about five hours, and we were in Vegas. Mountains (where did those come from?) and 106 degrees (but no humidity?). Toto, I don’t think we’re in Houston anymore.

As I said, Monet was eager to have her birthday celebrations begin so we unloaded at the hotel and began our little journey down the Strip.

Is that building leaning?

Only in Vegas... and I suppose Pisa.

For all you fans of Friends or The Hangover:

Caesar's Palace

And is that Celine Dion I hear?

Yes, Celine. My heart and the fountain show will go on.

Whew. Sweaty and tired we went inside the Bellagio for a little AC and dinner (our “lunch” on the plane would’ve left a toddler hungry).

I love their Conservatory.

Midnight was quickly approaching. Which is when Monet would actually turn 21. We even had “countdowns” on our phones. We decided since Sin City never sleeps why not go ahead and celebrate that night? Now if you’re a guy that’s easy. Throw on some slacks and a nice shirt. Maybe a little cologne. Done.

Ha! I wish it was that easy for girls. Nope. Let me break it down for you guys:

  • Step One: Unpack your entire suitcase so you have all your options laid out in front of you (yes it must be done in this order).
  • Step Two: Pick your favorite two or three outfits. Ask the other girls for their feedback (the second night we even had a matching black theme going on).
  • Step Three: Shower and then actually put on said outfit.
  • Step Four: Brace yourself because now the real work begins.
  • Step Five: Blow dry, straighten, or use your tool of choice on your hair. Debate if you should put it up or leave it down. Decide to clip it back so you can have the best of both worlds.
  • Step Six: Pull out the beauty store in your bag. Eye liner, check. Foundation, of course. Mascara, why not. But not too much now! Don’t want to be confused with any show girls.
  • Step Seven: Join everyone in the living room. Watch five minutes of Jersey Shore and realize you forgot to add lipgloss.
  • Step Eight: Finally head out the door. Smile when your fiance tells you how beautiful you look and act like it’s no big deal. After all, it’s only an hour of your life you’ll never get back.

But there is one thing that can make or break the girl’s outfit. For example, you can be wearing torn up jeans and a semi-cute shirt, but suddenly it’s “dressy” if you wear heels. Monet is turning 21. We are going out on the town for the first time. The girls agreed (back in step two) that heels were a must. So Monet threw on some really cute wedges while Lindsay and I put on our beautiful heels.

The gang.

I’m not going to subtly foreshadow how this night ends. Let me be blatant now. NEVER wear heels in Vegas. Never never never never EVER.

We had just under three hours to go until midnight. The last of our guests arrived (and they hadn’t eaten yet) so we jetted off to the Eiffel Tower in Paris for dinner/dessert and drinks. If you ever go to their restaurant, here are my recommendations. Do try the sparkling Eiffel Tower drink (champagne, blueberry vodka, rose nectar water, fruit, etc.). Do not try the stuff they give you to cleanse your palette. Disgusting (avocado? peppers? pistachio?).

Less than an hour to midnight. Time to head to Caesar’s Palace. Prepare for the birthday shot and the first pull of the slot machine. Here’s the problem. When you spent most of the afternoon walking and now you’re wearing heels….. your feet get tired quickly. Lindsay and I were already feeling the effects of heelsitus (a painful condition associated with being beautiful).


Of course Caesar’s Palace is huge. The parents wanted to find the help desk to see what kind of free offers they had. Monet wanted to find the bar. The boys wanted to find the poker tables. Lindsay and I? We just wanted to find a chair.

We finally did for the birthday shots. Lindsay voted we take our shoes off temporarily. I warned her that was a bad idea. Rookie mistake. Your feet swell and hurt exponentially more when you put them back on. But she did. And well I’m weak. She looked so much happier with the shoes off. And it did feel amazing. But then came the part I knew would happen. We had to put our shoes back on.

Oh the pain. And to make matters worse the group walked all over the casino in search of what to do next. We sipped on drinks in hopes of distracting ourselves from our throbbing feet. But that lasted for all of five minutes. Alternating between numb and searing pain, I thought about that episode of Friends. The one with Monica and her new boots.

Monica: See Chandler? I’m getting a lot of use out of them already! They’re very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants…

Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes off to the coffee counter.)

Phoebe: Wow! They’re beautiful!

Rachel: Ahh…

Monica: (begins to almost cry) They hurt so much!

Phoebe: What?!

Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!

Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I haven’t felt my feet in years!

Monica: I can’t! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I’d wear them all the time, I just can’t give them away!

Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!

Monica: I can’t do that either! The soles’ are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.

That is how I felt. Like my shoes were about to fill with my blood. Lindsay agreed. But off to the Mirage we went. Grrrrr. There weren’t any shops open selling flip-flops. And the pain was so bad! Finally we both reached the breaking point. Start crying and throw a hissy fit. Or walk around Vegas barefoot. Obviously we chose the latter.

Eesh. My feet look like balloons.

I can now tell you which areas of Vegas are soft and which should never be stepped on without shoes. For example, escalators should never be done barefoot. “Hooker cards” (those things all over the streets) are not fun to step on. Piano bars are sticky (agreed ewwwww). Oh and guys? Why would you ever hit on girls with their shoes off and scowls on their faces? Lets just say I saw what the bottom of my feet looked like.

Just so we’re clear. Lindsay and I wore flats the second night. As it is, I still inwardly cringe whenever I see women wearing heels. Anyone know of any recovery programs?

And now I must go give myself a foot massage. I’m hoping to re-earn their trust in another year or two. Look forward to more Vegas adventures later this week! Also Texas Tuesday anyone? Please send in your questions. Otherwise I just might tell you how bad the bottom of my feet looked. 🙂

6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 2, 2010 3:11 pm

    Yes, heels in Vegas are no bueno.
    I have done that in Vegas and here in StL ( as well as other bachelorette parties) and taking the shoes off, while amazing, makes it so much worse when you have to put them back on.

    One year I was so done with my heels that I foolishly walked down a cobblestone street in down STL where it’s really not super safe and/or clean sans high heels. I had the best time doing it thanks to the numerous shots in my system BUT the next morning was one of regret… 🙂

  2. Lindsay permalink
    August 2, 2010 4:08 pm

    HA! I had my mom read this post..and she looks at me after she read that we wore heels and says “I thought you were smarter than that”

    SOO funny…but SOOOO painful!

    also? that quote is from Sound of Music. I win!

  3. August 2, 2010 7:05 pm

    I can’t believe that you guys tried to wear heels while walking around in Vegas! If I’m wearing heels, I always make sure I’m carrying a purse big enough to slip inside some flip flops/flats.
    I’m glad you guys decided to just go ahead and go barefoot. 🙂

  4. August 3, 2010 5:19 am

    Doe Re Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

    I can’t believe you wore heels – wow! I lived in flipflops and daggy sneakers the whole time we were there. 😀

    Looks great, and so much fun!

  5. August 4, 2010 12:57 pm

    Hope your feet are starting to feel better love… But cute heels?? That is a plus!


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